The sinister logic behind ‘Nice Guy Syndrome’, explained by psychologists

A nice guy is an informal term for an often young adult male who portrays himself with characteristics such as being agreeable , gentle , compassionate , sensitive and vulnerable. When used negatively, a nice guy implies a male who is unassertive or otherwise non-masculine. It is also often used particularly in the context of dating [1] to describe someone who pretends to possess “nice guy” characteristics and uses acts of friendship and basic social etiquette with the unstated aim of progressing to a romantic or sexual relationship. The results of the research on romantic perception of “nice guys” are mixed and often inconsistent. Studies that explicitly use the term “nice guy” sometimes cite research that does not directly use the term, but which addresses behaviours which are often associated with disingenuous “niceness”. One difficulty in studying the “nice guy” phenomenon is due to the ambiguity of the “nice guy” construct. Participants in studies interpret “nice guy” to mean different things. In their qualitative analysis, Herold and Milhausen [6] found that women associate different qualities with the “nice guy” label: “Some women offered flattering interpretations of the ‘nice guy’, characterizing him as committed, caring, and respectful of women. Some women, however, emphasized more negative aspects, considering the ‘nice guy’ to be boring, lacking confidence, and unattractive.

How to Create Chemistry With a “Nice” Guy

He was a tad shy, consistently thoughtful and surrounded by women, but he still couldn’t get a girlfriend. Everyone probably knows a Mr. Nice Guy like Melcher, who is now He’s the guy who patiently listens to a girl complain without interrupting her. Because of his sweet nature, he puts the girl’s demands first, altering his weekend plans to fit her schedule. He may be uneasy about making a decision for fear of being domineering.

Any woman who ever entered the dating shark-tank has come across the self-​professed nice guy, who claims to be decent and sweet yet easily.

The nice guy stereotype asserts that, although women often say that they wish to date kind, sensitive men, when actually given a choice, women will reject nice men in favor of men with other salient characteristics, such as physical attractiveness. To explore this stereotype, two studies were conducted. In Study 1, 48 college women were randomly assigned into experimental conditions in which they read a script that depicted 2 men competing for a date with a woman.

The niceness of 1 target man’s responses was manipulated across conditions. In Study 2, college women were randomly assigned to conditions in which both the target man’s responses and his physical attractiveness were manipulated. Overall results indicated that both niceness and physical attractiveness were positive factors in women’s choices and desirability ratings of the target men.

Niceness appeared to be the most salient factor when it came to desirability for more serious relationships, whereas physical attractiveness appeared more important in terms of desirability for more casual, sexual relationships. This is a preview of subscription content, log in to check access. Rent this article via DeepDyve. Berscheid, E. Physical attractiveness. Berkowitz Ed. New York: Academic Press.

5 Reasons Why The ‘Nice Guy’ Is Actually An Assh*le

The next day, he booked us into a restaurant with a six-week waiting list thus announcing his intentions to see me for the foreseeable future , and when I mused aloud about decorating, he offered to paint my walls no euphemism. Only one thing festered — his fungal nail infection. I tried not to look, but at least two of his fingers were adorned with what looked like decomposing bark off a gnarly tree.

I felt sick when he ran his fingers through my hair, as I imagined the strands running through the ridges of his rotting nails. When he put his hand between my legs, all I could focus on was which fingers he was touching me with.

Don’t women want to date nice guys? Why does this always happen to me? More​ Because You’re Not Really A Nice Guy.

After breaking up with my long-term boyfriend , I quickly learned that putting yourself out there is really just a shortcut to feelings of disappointment and, well, emotional pain. So why am I wasting time looking for the catch? Whenever I share my happy news of seeing a genuinely nice guy being clouded by my expectation that the other shoe—whatever it may be—is bound to drop, people seem to get me.

In fact, many others have issues accepting sincere kindness from a new flame. What gives? No surprises here, but having difficulties trusting kindness in a romantic relationship might stem from generalized trust issues. She adds that the struggle could originate from any number of things, including childhood experiences or situations with past significant others. Subconsciously a pessimist about love? You might be self-sabotaging as a method of self-preservation. Rework your perspective so you can be open to the healthy relationship you totally deserve.

Try your hardest to really start fresh and not bring your past or your inner naysayer into a new relationship. For some more dating assistance, these are first date questions you should avoid. And this is the one trait to look for in a partner. I Tried It to Find Out.

The bad thing about dating nice guys

Robert Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy. A collective set of behaviors and attitudes that are collectively agreed upon to contribute to the general well-being and functioning of society. Nice Guys inherently lack social status , so they try to compensate for it in other ways — being nice, being one of them. Life is not about getting everyone to approve of you and avoiding all conflict and friction and keeping everything smooth.

If anyone asked me to sum up the predominant mental attitude of a Nice Guy, it would have to be fear rooted in powerlessness.

Girl: “He’s such a nice guy, but I don’t feel anything for him” most people that are even slightly self-aware realize that they’re dating the same.

Every time I meet someone I feel like they immediately put me in the nice guy category. Most women don’t want to date me or put me in the friend zone right off the bat. Don’t women want to date nice guys? Why does this always happen to me? I’m always wary of the self-proclaimed ‘ nice guy. You’re a type 3 nice guy who thinks that women should want to date you and fuck you because you’re a nice guy.

You’re wrong, though.

Does Dating a Slew of Duds Make It Impossible to Accept a Genuinely Nice Guy?

Men who complain that they are unlucky in love despite their ‘nice guy’ persona may have a sinister agenda. The so-called ‘Nice Guy’, the often physically unattractive man who overcompensates with clingy and over-the-top behaviour to women, is relentlessly mocked online. Dr Robert Glover , who’s studied the issue, says these men are often trying to form “covert contracts” with the target of their affections.

In other words, they might use kindness to try and make up for what they lack elsewhere. The idea is that if you meet someone’s needs without them having to ask, they should meet yours.

The “Nice Guy” problem plagues millions of men. They hurt their chances in relationships & dating. Why? Is it bad to be a good guy? Here’s my take.

They always seem to go for the assholes and douchebags. Do I have to be an asshole to get someone to date me and be in a relationship? This is one of the most common questions I get from geeks. They choose men based on attraction. And guess what? Furniture is nice.

A Dating Coach Reveals Why Being A Nice Guy Can Make You A Loser

In this article I interview Dr. Nice Guy to answer all of these questions and more. Nice guys also typically have a generalized feeling of frustration and maybe resentment in life. Being nice to people, buying them drinks, doing things for them, fixing their problems, volunteering to help their sister move etc.

On the flip side of the coin, the question “Why don’t I like nice men?” remains. I think the same reason I have trouble accepting love from nice men.

Women have a strong sense of intuition about things like this. A woman with a high sense of self-worth is even more aware something is wrong below the surface of this Nice Guy. There are Nice Guys and there are Good Men. Nice Guys have no sense of self-worth. So what are the traits of these low value Nice Guys?

Nice Guys talk a lot about how nice they are.

DATING NICE GUYS?!